Divorce

Contemplating divorce or actually going through one can be incredibly painful. Every aspect of your life is impacted including: home, work, other relationships, finances, and parenting children. The decision to end a relationship can be traumatic, chaotic, and filled with contradictory emotions. There are also specific feelings, attitudes, and dynamics associated with whether one is in the role of the initiator or the receiver of the decision to breakup. Common reactions include:

Initiator

• Fear
• Relief
• Resentment
• Doubt
• Guilt
• Impatience

Non-initiator

• Shock
• Betrayal
• Loss of control
• Victimization
• Decreased self-esteem
• Anger
• Wishes to reconcile
• A desire to "get even"

Divorce can affect children of any age traumatically as well. Research has shown that adjustment may be dependent upon:

1. the quality of their relationship with each of their parents before the separation,
2. the intensity and duration of the parental conflict, and
3. the parents' ability to focus on the needs of children in their divorce.

Avoid the most common mistakes made by parents of divorce:

1. Do not make your child the go-between messenger.
2. Do not make your child your therapist.
3. Listen. Do not tell them what to think and feel.
4. Check-in, but do not give them "the third degree".
5. If you make a mistake, own it, apologize, and repair it.

Counselors at PAS can help you talk through the myriad thoughts and feelings accompanying this process and discuss a plan for managing the challenges that may arise.